


Troy Was Left a Little Horse

by NoLongerWriting



Category: Greek and Roman Mythology, The Iliad - Homer, The Odyssey - Homer, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller, Troy (2004)
Genre: Historical References, Horses, Meme, Modern culture references, Satire, Screenplay/Script Format, Sexual Humor, Short, Short One Shot, Trojan Horse, Trojan War, really short, references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 06:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8612500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoLongerWriting/pseuds/NoLongerWriting
Summary: What if the Trojan horse wasn't made of just wood?





	

The sandy shore is stained with the blood and guts of princes and myrmidons alike. Odysseus looks towards Agamemnon and Menelaus as the men gaze at the walls of Troy, the fool’s errand, the gem unobtainable. The forty-year-old man looks down towards the funeral pyre being erected, the boy who was like a son to him, Achilles, the Best of Greeks, is dead.  
Paris remains within his city, where he has sat for the past ten years while blood is rained upon his doorstep. He's holding Menelaus’s wife, Helen, close while Odysseus remains years away from his Penelope. “So, how shall we conquer this city now that the Best of Greeks is with Hades? Will I see my child and wife in this world, or the next Agamemnon?” Odysseus is nearly screaming.  
The other kings shake their head. “I promised my men riches, what they have received was the hacking of their arms and legs.” Agamemnon shakes as another battalion of troops advance on the walls, volleying spears which bounce off the stone and back at them.  
*In the background the screams of a man can be heard, “My leg!” he cries. *  
Menelaus suddenly snaps from his sorrow, his hands meeting in a clapping motion. “I know what to do! Helen will surely convince her captors that we offer a gift in honor of Venus herself! It’s brilliant!” He speaks in fragments, smiling and throwing his hands to the air.  
“What are you saying? Are you going mad? Speak man!” Agamemnon cries before himself and Odysseys are brought close by Menelaus who begins to explain his plan in hushed tones.  
*Scene cut*  
*A giant balloon horse is rolled up to the gates of Troy, the faint shadows of men rolling and bouncing about inside. When a guard comes out to inspect the colossal construction the Greeks shush each other in glee. *  
The guard is about to call for Paris to send down a volley of arrows, but then the goddess Venus appears in a shimmer of light. “Remember, Troy is impregnable. Trust Trojan.”  
With that the horse is let into the city, the citizens and guards unaware of the army they have let inside. The butchery which would begin under the cover of night.

**Author's Note:**

> My sister called me up in the middle of the night, begging me to write a commercial on Trojan condoms for her English class. After reading "The Song of Achilles," I happily complied. 
> 
> Yes, she did turn this in to a teacher who she's had for the past six years.
> 
> Yes, I am waiting to see the results.


End file.
